Life... on the flip side.

Sometimes it takes a situation where you’re put on the other side of the coin before you realize what it is that you’d done before or what it is that you’d put other people through. On the other hand, such situations also make you realize that you’re doing the same and putting people through exactly what it was you had been put through at one time. There are after all two sides to the same coin.

It’s times like these that I think in life, it's a case of get it right first time, or you’re fucked for all time. I guess I got a wake up call recently and now know what I’d put people through by suffering a similar fate. The irony of it is, that the situation is so similar, albeit with different characters and now I’m on the flip side. Just as ironic is that someone who’d had to go through the same thing put me in place. I do understand now the reactions I’d gotten then and the emotions they must have had to go through.

In a way, I guess it's what goes around, that comes around. It’s vicious, cos once you’re in the cycle, there’s no getting out of it. Most times we know very well the consequences of our actions, yet we go through with it no matter how remorseful or regretful we may feel; or how we'd vow never to do the same or to put anyone through what we'd gone through, but by then the damage would already have been done.

So, what the hell’s the deal? Is there no middle ground? Is it always do nothing and suffer in silence or do something and suffer just as well? Where is this balance that’s supposed to exist? So what did I choose to do now that I find myself on the flip side? Let me say upfront that whatever I chose to do, it was a no-win situation. Anger clouds everything and when that happens you see only what you want to see, not the intent, simply the action. I’m not proud of what I did… hate what I did actually, but I did what my heart needed to go on. I accused, screamed out, built a wall and burnt the bridge. Although I don’t feel miserable anymore, I wonder how long it will last and whether regret will set in.

It’s such a vicious cycle, this concept of do unto others before others do unto you; similarly, do unto others as others had done unto you. Karma, that’s what some people call it. I call it a fucked up life. You fuck up someone’s life, someone will come along and fuck yours up just as well.

I know, I know... I disappointed some of you, especially mish & squeeky. I swore I wouldn’t go down this path… Well, I be damned! I am way down the path. Yes, you told me so. No, I didn’t listen. Yes, I'd known this would happen and said so myself, but chose(?) not to see it. Yes, it's fucked up. No, I’m not alright yet. No, unfortunately I can't win this. And finally, No... I guess the first wall wasn’t as strong as I thought… this will be stronger. *sigh* I guess this is my life… *shrug*

This is your life - Switchfoot

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead

Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken

Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes

This is your life and today is all you’ve got now

Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have

Don’t close your eyes

Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner

Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don’t close your eyes, Don’t close your eyes

Don’t close your eyes, Don’t close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be

This is your life are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

And you had everything to lose